The Top 5 Exploitation Movies I Watched in 2008
1. Vixen!
2. Score
3. Don't Deliver Us from Evil
4. Night Child
5. Love Toy
Vixen! is a Russ Meyer movie starring Erica Gavin as a racist nymphomaniac, and I think the dialogue, the fast pace, the sex, and the weirdness are all executed the best out of any Russ Meyer movie I've seen.
Score is about a couple of swingers seducing members of the same sex, and it's really fun and awesome. Don't Deliver Us from Evil is about a couple of teenage girls who worship Satan, and like to tease men and kill birds. Night Child is about a creepy kid who probably killed his own mother, and Britt Ekland trying to get to the bottom of it. Love Toy is a Doris Wishman movie about a sleazy guy winning a night of bizarre roleplaying with his friend's daughter through a game of Gin Rummy.
The Top 10 Action Movies I Watched in 2008
1. Torque
2. Flesh+Blood
3. Casino Royale
4. Cobra
5. Licence To Kill
6. Bad Boys
7. Moonraker
8. Bad Boys II
9. Eight Diagram Pole Fighter
10. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Torque is about a motorcyclist who has the law after him, as well as Ice Cube, all for some shit he didn't even do, and it's by far the most stylistically over-the-top movie I've ever seen.
Flesh+Blood is about Jennifer Jason Leigh being kidnapped by some medieval mercenaries led by Rutger Hauer, and it's fucking brutal and epic and really fucking awesome. Casino Royale is about James Bond (Daniel Craig) being a reckless, sociopathic badass who plays poker and kills people.
Cobra is about crime being a disease, and Sylvester Stallone being the cure. Licence to Kill is about James Bond (Timothy Dalton) being a reckless, sociopathic badass who doesn't play any poker in the movie, but he does ruthlessly kill a bunch of people while seeking revenge, and anyone who likes Craig as Bond but doesn't like Dalton is fucking retarded because they play him exactly the same way.
Bad Boys and Bad Boys II are about Will Smith and Martin Lawrence as cops who fuck shit up, and the second one is a little long and less funny, but it is still a good fucking movie no matter what anyone says, and Michael Bay is an amazing director. Moonraker is about James Bond (Roger Moore) going to different countries and fucking different girls, and eventually having a laser fight in space. Eight Diagram Pole Fighter is a kung fu movie about kung fu stuff happening and people getting their teeth knocked out. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is about Robert Downey Jr. getting involved in some crime stuff with Val Kilmer.
Honorable Mentions: Mission: Impossible 1, 2, and 3, The Living Daylights, and Die Another Day.
The Top 10 Comedies I Watched in 2008
1. The Muppets Take Manhattan
2. Unfaithfully Yours
3. Used Cars
4. Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?
5. Planes, Trains and Automobiles
6. The Dark Backward
7. American Pie Presents Beta House
8. The Great Muppet Caper
9. American Pie Presents The Naked Mile
10. Sullivan's Travels
The Muppets Take Manhattan is about the muppets struggling to put on a show on Broadway, and it's hilarious and weird and amazing.
Unfaithfully Yours is about a husband who suspects his wife of cheating, and has some elaborate fantasy sequences about how he's going to deal with it, one involving murder that is totally amazing. Used Cars is about Kurt Russell as a sleazy used car salesman trying to prevent his business from being taken over by the fancier lot across the street. Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter? is about Jayne Mansfield helping out an ad executive. Planes, Trains and Automobiles is about Steve Martin trying to get home for Thanksgiving, but John Candy keeps fucking everything up.
The Dark Backward is about a stand-up comedian who tells non-jokes, who starts growing an arm out of his back. American Pie Presents Beta House is about a fraternity, and that's pretty much it, but it's kind of a perfect sex comedy. The Great Muppet Caper is about the muppets trying to find out who stole some jewelry, and Charles Grodin being in love with Miss Piggy. American Pie Presents The Naked Mile is about Stifler's cousin visiting another cousin in college, and running a mile naked, and there's a really horrible love story in it, but it's otherwise sort of amazing, and overall, all of the American Pie straight-to-video movies are actually way better than the original trilogy, and don't get me wrong, they're totally retarded, but I still found them really funny. Sullivan's Travels is about a director who has never had any misery in his life, so he becomes homeless for awhile as research.
Honorable Mentions: American Pie Presents Band Camp, Ski School, Ball of Fire, and The Muppet Movie.
The Top 10 Dramas I Watched in 2008
1. The Room
2. Selena
3. The Godfather Part II
4. The Iron Giant
5. Mandingo
6. The Night of the Hunted
7. Alligator
8. Drum
9. Whisper of the Heart
10. The Unknown
The Room is a touching dramedy about love and friendship. Selena is about the pop star Selena, and it's charming and amazing and tragic. The Godfather Part II is about Al Pacino struggling with his decisions, and it's one of the most watchable, engrossing movies I've ever seen.
The Iron Giant is about a boy finding an iron giant from space, and befriending it. Mandingo is about slavery, and it's slightly exploitative but not as much as I expected, and I loved that it didn't have any heavy-handed messages that every viewer already knows about slavery being fucked, it just told a story.
The Night of the Hunted is about Brigitte Lahaie having constant amnesia, and being put into a home with other people who have constant amnesia, and everyone fucks and/or kills each other. Alligator is about Robert Forster trying to track down an enormous killer alligator. Drum is a semi-sequel to Mandingo, and Rainbeaux Smith tries to rape some slaves in it. Whisper of the Heart is about a young girl who reads a lot and then writes her own book, and she interacts with other people sometimes too, and follows around an adorable cat. The Unknown is about Lon Chaney not having arms and he's in love with Joan Crawford who hates to be touched, and that should work out for them, but it doesn't.
Honorable Mentions: Keetje Tippel and All That Heaven Allows.
The Top 15 Horror Movies I Watched In 2008
1. Stagefright
2. Mad Love
3. Splatter: Naked Blood
4. Creepshow 2
5. Amityville II: The Possession
6. The Amityville Horror
7. Nightmare
8. Wrong Turn
9. Tenebre
10. August Underground's Penance
11. God Told Me To
12. Slugs
13. Requiem for a Vampire
14. Cannibal Ferox
15. August Underground
Stagefright is about some actors trapped in a playhouse being killed off by a killer in an owl mask. Mad Love is about Peter Lorre being a creepy doctor.
Splatter: Naked Blood is about girls being drugged with something that makes them get off on pain, and one girl eats herself and it's amazing. Creepshow 2 is three stories about stuff, and it's occasionally really bloody, and always really swayze. Amityville II is about the original family who lived in the Amityville house, and the son who kills them all. The Amityville Horror is about the second family who lived in the Amityville house, and they find out it's haunted. Nightmare is about a kid who killed his dad and his dad's girlfriend when he was a kid, and later in life, he's released from the mental hospital, but he still has problems.
Wrong Turn is about hillbillies killing people. Tenebre is about a writer and a killer who is killing people in ways described in the writer's book, and so the writer has to figure out who's doing it. August Underground's Penance is about a couple of killers going around killing people.
God Told Me To is about people who are killing other people then themselves because God told them to. Slugs is about giant, killer slugs. Requiem for a Vampire is about a couple of teenage girls being lured into vampirism. Cannibal Ferox is about Lorraine De Selle going to the jungle to prove that cannibalism doesn't exist, but it turns out it does. August Underground is about killers killing, and occasionally being annoying.
Honorable Mentions: [REC] and Don't Open Till Christmas.
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