See Ya L.A.Tour Flyer

The last couple of months have been extremely busy with getting rid of or selling a lot of my stuff, and planning a cross-country move. And so it wasn't until today that I was able to finally put together a flyer for my now completed See Ya L.A.Tour! Please pretend I have been using this all along.

Also, MANY thanks to everyone who helped me along the way of this monumental single-city tour of my former home, Los Angeles! Thank you to Ron Lynch, Zach Broussard, Rachel Mac, Samantha Ross, Theresa Bateman, Margo Buzz Ness, Anna Hossnieh (even though that show was cancelled), Jay Weingarten, Eli Olsberg, Sam Varela, Megan Koester, Chris Garcia, Sean Keane, Mark Alexzandr, Albert Huber, Steve Hernandez, Scott Luhrs, Ellie McElvain, Erin Lampart, Brodie Reed, Barbara Gray, and Jeff Wattenhofer!!! A special thank you to Andy Kindler for saying he really liked my set, and then basically taking it back when he found out I wasn't being sarcastic about loving Mindy Kaling. You are all the best!

The last thing I would like to say is that on the plane ride to New York, I watched the film Collateral Beauty, and I really liked it. Weird movie!

Car

For the last 13 years (almost exactly), I have driven a great car. A 2001 filthy white Suzuki Swift, nicknamed “your face” because I like those words. I have joked that it goes 0 to 60 in 60 seconds, which might actually be true. I have also said that the engine light has been on for a year and a half, which is true. Multiple mechanics have read the thing (I know a lot about cars), and said “It says it’s this, but… I don’t know.” It has not had working air conditioning for any extended period of time for as long as I’ve had it. It does not have power steering. For the last year, the engine has been shaking violently whenever it gets stuck in traffic (which, not to understate it, occasionally happens in Los Angeles). If I drive it for a bit, then turn it off, it won’t start again for at least 20 minutes, which make errands a little complicated. The battery seems to drain when it’s not in use, so every time I start it, it sounds pathetic and sickly.

I will not be taking it with me to New York. I will not even be driving it for the next two weeks, because it’s too unreliable for simple moving tasks like dropping shit off at Goodwill, or possibly, getting me anywhere at all (it’s broken down a couple times, and recently was unable to start.)

In 2008, on the night of Erin and I’s 4-year anniversary, we took the Swift to a drive-in in San Jose, where we saw the original The Fast & The Furious, on a random double feature with Selena. The next year, the 4th film, Fast & Furious, came out and we saw it at the same drive-in. Appropriately, your face’s final task was getting Erin and me to the theater last Thursday night to see the latest film in the phenomenal franchise, The Fate of the Furious. After the movie, I street-raced it so hard it caught on fire and I had to drive it backwards across the finish line and into the ocean. Goodbye, filthy white Suzuki Swift, you have been perfect.

I will be driving a rental car to my remaining shows on my See Ya L.A.Tour. Starting on Saturday (two night ago), I did Tomorrow! Show again, but didn’t get a chance to write this post beforehand! It went great!

Tonight! I’m on The Business at Little Joy!

Thursday night! I’m on Sleeping with Mark & Albert at Holy Grounds Coffee & Tea in Alhambra!

Saturday! There might be a couple things, not sure yet.

Sunday! I’m back on Chatterbox Comedy Night, because after writing a whole big post about doing it last week, I ended up dropping out because my mom broke her leg.

See Ya L.A.Tour!!

6 Years

Tomorrow night is the 6 year anniversary of the first time I did stand-up. Stand-up anniversaries are pretty meaningless and I don't think anyone really "celebrates" them, but I will definitely celebrate mine by visiting my mom in the hospital. She came into town on Sunday to see my shows, and ended up stepping off a curb and breaking her leg in 3 places. What a klutz!

Anyway, stand-up anniversaries don't matter, but show anniversaries do! They're always super fun and special, and tonight I am honored to be on the Performance Anxiety 6 Year Anniversary Show! at the Pleasure Chest! It's a sex shop! I will be doing all my filthiest material about Data Entry.

But how about some shameless cross-promotion? Another option for your plans tonight is to see my dad's book reading, BigCity, a Novel by Scot Sothern, at Skylight! He wrote and published an amazing novel called BigCity, and I've been meaning to write about it for awhile, and will continue meaning to write even more about it. I am halfway through it and shocked by how vividly I remember the words and the characters and the events (while still never sure what's gonna happen) from when I read an early draft about 15 years ago. I never remember anything! But the writing is just that good, and it's fascinating to revisit it and pick up on all the ways he has influenced me and my own writing.

So go to the reading! Or go to the comedy show! Or go to the hospital for your injuries! But definitely buy BigCity on Amazon! See Ya L.A.Tour!

Break-In

Someone broke into my car last night (broke in = opened the door I forgot to lock). They tore the place apart in a desperate search for anything worth taking, and in doing so, pulled out a ton of trash from under my seats which will make it much easier for me to clean now, as I’ve been meaning to do. Here’s what they took: My old pair of shoes that are falling apart. Some tic tacs. Most of the change I had in there before they apparently decided it wasn’t even worth it to keep pulling out all those pennies. In a fun twist, they actually took the screwdriver left behind by the last person who broke into my car like 8 years ago that I never bothered to take out. What they didn’t take: A poster for Johnny Mnemonic. Some VHS. An umbrella; surprisingly, it actually ended up raining last night and I hope they weren’t kicking themselves for leaving it behind. The only way this robbery could be any sadder is if they tried to take the car itself but didn’t know my tricks for getting it started without the battery dying.

Social Anxiety

Hi. I have social anxiety. I don't like talking about the details of what that means for me. I can only say that it is real and affects my life, and directly hinders my progress in going forward with what I want to do professionally (comedy). Now. I know that you also have social anxiety. I know this because every single person I have ever met in my entire life has insisted that they are also "shy" or "antisocial". Like, every single person. (Obviously, only if the subject came up.) I'm pretty sure my sister is the only person I have ever known to be like “Yeah, talking to people is easy. Something is wrong with you." Love you, Mikela! This phenomenon of everyone ever telling me how awkward they are is like if everyone was telling a heroin addict, "I totally get it. I have also done drugs." Obviously, my problems are not comparable to a heroin addict's problems! But the disparity between experiences, are also not really comparable, but sort of? The point is, depending on who it's coming from and my perception of their social prowess, it can be annoying.

Here's the thing. No one is being disingenuous. No one is wrong about how they feel. Everyone IS awkward, I promise. What helped me, though, was seeing a more extreme aspect of it. Next Wednesday is my 6 year anniversary of doing stand-up, and these are the steps that brought me to my current level of success of being booked on FOUR shows this weekend (spoiler alert: this is a promo post).

1. 2011. I wanted to do stand-up, but the concept of me doing stand-up seemed as laughable as one of my classic, killer bits of today.

2. I went through what felt like a million hoops to get to a psychiatrist who would give me medication. It was not easy, especially for someone who can't use a phone (if you're not sure what I mean by that, great news, you are not antisocial.)

3. The psychiatrist recommended social anxiety group therapy, which sounded like an oxymoron. Why the fuck would I ever go to something with "group" in the name? I started taking Prozac, started feeling better, agreed to group therapy.

4. Went to social anxiety group therapy, and for the first time, saw myself in other people. These were REAL "heroin addicts". Of course I had met people who were like me before. But it was significant to enter a room of 8-10 people where no one spoke to each other or even looked up when a new person entered. People who could not get up and close the blinds to get the sun out of their face because they had already sat down and didn't want to draw attention to themselves (this came up for multiple people as a very recent example of anxiety when the teacher asked us for one. The sun was coming in at a real bad angle that day, and none of us did shit, and it fucking made sense to me). These were people who would accept physical, emotional, financial inconveniences in order to avoid talking on a telephone.

5. So anyway, it was really helpful and led to me being capable of doing stand-up. I stopped going because I felt I had accomplished what I had initially set out to do. I liked the group and what it did for me. I fucking loved all of the people who were in the group, and you better believe we did NOT keep in touch because are you even paying attention. I also began to feel like a fraud in the group because I was doing something that would seem absurd to them, as it did to myself a few months earlier. I didn't want them to view me the way I view people who regularly go to parties telling me how shy they are.

And again, you ARE shy. I believe you. It's ok. But there are radically different levels to it. We might be pretty similar. Like, if we definitely know each other, and are frequently in the same place, but never say hi or make eye contact, I think you are great. Let’s never change.

I certainly have good days. Often enough, I can get by and pass as comfortable. But if we are not “friends” and have had a normal, breezy conversation for longer than 5 minutes, hope this isn’t weird, but that was a HUGE deal for me. It doesn’t happen very often.

Comedy, and entertainment in general, is largely reliant on networking. People in the comedy community are constantly networking over their hatred of networking. I actually understand and see the value in networking, and don’t think it’s a bad thing. I know the behavior people are thinking of when they say they hate it, but from my perspective, networking is literally just showing up places and talking to people, and doing that accomplishes way more than you probably even realize. I do not show up places and talk to people as often as I need to.

And that is why 4 shows in 4 days (originally 5, but 1 was cancelled!) is a monumental event for my See Ya L.A.Tour!!

Tonight! I’ll be in Ventura doing What’s Up With Merlot? An Evening with Matt Kirshen. Ryan and Doug are also coming along, and last time we did this show together (with Travis as well) was the night we decided to end Sleepaway Camp. What will we decide to put to an end to tonight!?!

Friday! Red Carpet Comedy w/ The Bateman Cousins S2 April Fools Show! This is going to be a big, wonderful show, and it is very nice of them to have me!

Two shows Sunday! First, 2 Wet Crew at The Satellite with my old Sleepaway friend Jay Weingarten! He is great, and I’m looking forward to seeing him and his show!

But then, I have to leave right away for Chatterbox in Covina. More on that LATER.

Wow. What a weekend. 4 shows, and only 2 of them spelled my name wrong on the flyer! That’s pretty good! Hope to see you around at one of them! See ya later! See Ya L.A.Tour.

Fucksummer

One of the main reasons I am leaving Los Angeles is because the weather is so terrible. I hate warmth! After an admittedly pretty long (for L.A.) winter, it is now officially summer again already and the sun is shining and it makes me sick (like, it literally, physically makes me feel nauseous, and I don't understand how it doesn't have this effect on everyone). I know that New York has very brutal summers. One of my favorite movies is Do the Right Thing, which is famous primarily for its powerful message of summer being the worst. But NY also has OTHER seasons. It's miserable for a set period of time, and then it ENDS and the rest of the year is pretty nice.

So tonight, I continue my "Farewell LA Tour" at Bitchface Comedy in Pasadena! It's hosted by Rachel Mac, who I once talked to about my hatred of warm weather, and she was definitely not on the same page. Somehow, we have remained friends despite this enormous disagreement. I think she is fucking great, and I know this show tonight is going to be fucking great, so hope to see you there, no matter what your opinions are on weather!!!!

New York

Hi, I am moving to New York soon to pursue my dreams of living in New York now I guess. Before I leave, I’m going on a Farewell LA Tour. It’s named that because I’m saying farewell to LA, and it’s also an “LA Tour” because calling something a tour when it’s all within the same city is VERY funny. So far, I have booked upwards of 5 shows (expecting a lot of WOW reactions for this achievement). There will likely be more. If you would like to book me on your show, please email me at Facebook Messenger (or wolfsothern@gmail.com). I am here through the end of April.

Tonight is the first stop on my tour. Ron Lynch's Tomorrow! Crapshoot! at midnight, which is one of my favorite shows. I will be reading about the history of Data Entry, and it could get incredibly filthy and/or violent. It’s exciting because Ron asked me to do something “short and weird”, so it reminds me of doing Sleepaway Camp every week, where instead of relying on just stand-up, I had to scramble to come up with something short and weird at the last minute, and it was insanely stressful but also very rewarding. Which all makes sense because Tomorrow! was a huge influence on Sleepaway.

So I hope to see you there “Tomorrow!” But actually tonight, because I absolutely refuse to acknowledge midnight as the turning of a new day, it’s so stupid that we do that.

Cover Girl

Photographer Jimmy Marble put me on the cover of his new cool magazine, Fudge Monthly. Check out more photos from the 1st issue here: http://www.jimmymarble.com/2015/12/the-swimsuit-issue/

Better Shoes for the Same Old You

I wrote an article called Better Shoes for the Same Old You, which can be read on the Higgs Weldon comedy website. It's about shoes.

Website

I made a new website called www.whatisyourcreditcardnumber.com/. I would love if you gave it a look, and filled out the questionnaire. 

Mission Statement from the site:

This company was inspired by popular websites like donatenow.website, that give the customer an opportunity to give away their money to an unknown cause. But the problem with those kind of sites is that you still get to choose who or what your money goes to, and how much of it goes there. And who has the time to make complicated choices like that? 

Here at whatisyourcreditcardnumber.com, you enter in all of your personal and credit card information, and then it's up to us how your money will be spent! Not only that, but it is the only Identity Theft website in the world where your information is actually catalogued publicly on the site! Which means any random visitor who clicks on our Previous Entries page can have access to your money as well. 

Remember... the only guaranteed way to avoid having your identity stolen, is to give it away willingly.

Austin Wolf-Sothern, CEO
https://twitter.com/wolfsothern

Ghost Story

This is a story about an old friend of mine, by the name of Simon.

Simon was fat. He was bald. And he was a dirty beast.

I was just 12 years young at the time, nubile, supple. Simon used to tell me I had a mouth that could suck water out of a running garden hose.

I was like, “That doesn’t even sound like a compliment, Simon. It sounds like you’re saying I do the bare minimum with blowjobs. Like, I just put it in my mouth and wait for the cum to start spraying.”

And Simon was like, “You think your suck skills are better than that? Prove it.”

And I was like, “Siiiimon. Come on. We’re just pals. And I am but 12 years young. No sex stuff! Besides, you have jaundice or something, and I don’t know if that’s contagious.”

And he was like, “Well, sorrrrry, fuckin’ princess. I didn’t know you were so pure.”

And I was like, “Well, I am. I am a little angel, and I’m gonna be a virgin forever and ever.”

And let me tell you, this drove Simon absolutely wild. He began to weep. He was drooling like crazy, and his tears came out thick, possibly semen. His cock was so hard, it ripped through his pants and popped out, spewing joy mucus. Fluids were dripping from everywhere imaginable. I was like, “Simon! Get it together, man.”

And he was like, “Austin, you are such a beautiful angel, and it is torture to know I will never be able to touch you. How can I live like this? With so much burning desire? It is obvious what I need to do. I need to eat my genitals. Pass me my chainsaw.” I passed him his chainsaw.

He pulled the starter rope. Burruppapapapapa. Burruppapapapapapa.

The chainsaw started whirring and he pressed it against his left outer thigh, just below the hip, cutting off his entire leg. I was like, “I thought you were just taking off your genitals, this seems really excessive.”

And he said, “I haven’t eaten all day, I may as well have a full meal.” Then he kept cutting, past his groin and across his other leg, until he was completely separated into two pieces.

“Pass me my knife and fork.” I passed him his knife and fork.

And he began to eat, the entire bottom half of his body. As he shoveled in the leg fat, his mouth seemed to expand, his cheeks ripping open into a huge grin. His final bite was a scrap of scrotum skin, and then finally, he bled out, and died.

Moments later, a translucent version of himself began to rise from his corpse. “Simon, oh my god, you’re a ghost,” I said.

And he replied, “Simon died a long time ago, my friend.”

And I was like, “I don’t think so. It like literally just happened.”

He stared back at me with his tiny eyes, his oversized mouth agape and dripping, the fat of his neck blending into his airborne torso, with his jaundiced skin now taking on more of a greenish tone.

“Simon Slimhauser is dead,” he said. “You can call me…

"Slimer.”

Which Wich

My girlfriend wanted to go to Which Wich, this new sandwich shop. But it’s actually a franchise, there’s a few of them around. So I was like, “Well, which Which Wich did you want to go to?”

And she was like, “The one where the manager is an actual witch.” And I was like, “Well, that’s all of them. Everyone knows Which Wich is a Wiccan company. If you look on the bottom of your cup, they have inspirational quotes from The Craft. So, which Which Wich witch are you referring to?”

And she was like, “This witch has dreams of being really great at basketball. Like, she wants to always make the shot, always shoot nothing but net.” And I was like, “I don’t know, that still doesn’t quite narrow it down for me. Which Which Wich witch’s wishes for swishes did you have in mind, specifically?”

And she said, “Let’s just go to Subway.” And I was like, “Well, which Subway?”

Taken Sequels

I’m very excited that a new Taken movie is coming out, and I’m even more excited that it is called TAK3N. I hope they continue making Taken movies forever. Here is a list of potential titles.

TAKEN
TAKEN 2 (aka Even Takener, or 2Taken 2Furious)
TAK3N
T4KEN
TAK5N
TAKEN 6: The Takening
7AKEN
TAKEN 8: Taken Care of Business
TAKEN 9: The Taken of Pelham 1-2-3
TAKEN 10: Look Who’s Taken
TAKEN 11: Look Who’s Taken Too
TAKEN 12: Why Hast God Fortaken Me?
TAKEN 13: Look Who’s Taken Now
TAKEN 14: Taken It Easy For Awhile
TAKEN 15: The Grey
TAKEN 16: Taken a Walk Among the Tombstones
TAKEN 17: In Space
TAKEN 18: Taken Takes Manhattan
TAKEN 19: Ransom starring Mel Gibson
TAKEN 20: Take Anything You Want, I’m Through Fighting
Donated (TAKEN Prequel)

David DeCoteau

A Talking Cat!?! is truly one of the best films of 2013. Has it been recognized by the Academy? Perhaps not, and that is a shame. Will it be nominated for a Razzie Award? Perhaps it will (or already has), and that’s an even bigger shame. The Razzies are for ironic assholes who like to shit on things they haven’t even seen to make themselves feel cooler. Fuck the Razzies. I hate the Razzies. A Talking Cat!?! deserves better. I love this movie. I love the special effect for the cat’s mouth when it’s talking. I love that Eric Roberts recorded his voiceover work over the phone, and was clearly distracted most of the time. I love that this is supposed to be a family film, and one of the main characters wears a t-shirt with a Spanish phrase on it that translates to “a fucking day at a time.” I love that the cat gets sick, and this is what he looks like after being seen by the vet. There is a moment in this film that may have shocked me more than anything else I’ve ever seen in a movie. The mother of the film is baking cheese puffs in the oven, and when they’re done, she casually takes out the metal tray with her bare hands. She then hands it over to someone else, who immediately drops it because it’s too hot, meaning it’s not a flub. It was an intentional choice by the director to have the mom be impervious to pain.


The director of this film is named David DeCoteau. And A Talking Cat!?! is his 100th film. He’s already made a dozen more since, including A Talking Pony!?! and My Stepbrother is a Vampire!?!. I’m obsessed with his career, and of his 100+ films, I am ashamed to say that I have only seen 31 of them. If you are unfamiliar with David DeCoteau, it’s about time you learned.


DeCoteau started his career in the 80s directing pornography, both gay and straight, with titles like New Wave Hustlers, Revenge of the Babes, and Totally Awesome. He was then hired to work for Full Moon Pictures, and directed the film Dreamaniac. Not one of my favorites, save for an amazing scene where someone gets their entire head chopped off with a power drill. Through the 80s and early 90s, he made a bunch of camp classics and some legitimately fun T&A classics like Nightmare Sisters, Beach Babes from Beyond starring Joe Estevez, Don Swayze, Jackie Stallone, and Joey Travolta, Creepozoids, Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000, and the legendary Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, one of many films made with 80s scream queens Linnea Quigley, Michelle Bauer, and Brinke Stevens, who would later reunite in DeCoteau's 1313: Cougar Cult.


In the second half of the 90s, he made a few cheap horror movies, of varying quality. I’m a fan of The Killer Eye from ’99 starring Jacqueline Lovell (my favorite 90s softcore actress), but most of them can be skipped. In the 2000s, though, is where he really hit his stride, proving himself as a true visionary by creating the homoerotic softcore thriller. I highly recommend the films Leeches, Beastly Boyz, and the first two films of The Brotherhood series. The Brotherhood II: Young Warlocks is especially good. It’s about a group of boys who are having trouble adjusting to college life, and they meet a charming blonde who does card tricks that promises them the world. Below is an abridged version of the scene where the guys are indoctrinated into the society of warlocks.


So that’s the kind of thing you can expect in a modern DeCoteau film. There’s even a pool scene in A Talking Cat!?! Lately, he’s made a bunch of film under the 1313 banner. These films, which are all shot in the same mansion, exist solely to show off men’s bodies. There’s about 15 minutes of story, then an hour of boys walking around in their underwear and taking showers. And it’s great, but it’s also barely even softcore. The boys are all supposed to be straight, so they never make out or anything. The licking in Brotherhood II is the closest it’s ever gotten. And it’s surprisingly tame with nudity. Even in the shower scenes, you never get to see any ass, you certainly don’t get to see any dick. It’s all tease. It’s like these movies are made for people who think softcore is just too hardcore. Almost all of those are streaming on Netflix. And right now, he’s mostly making family movies about Christmas and animals and stuff. He may not put in the same effort as he once did, but his filmography is so amazing. He started in gay pornography, and now he makes family films. At the very least, no one else can claim that.


Ranked: The Films of David DeCoteau

Sleepaway Camp News

Sleepaway Camp was interviewed in LAist about our new show!

We also appeared on comedian David Cope's web series Call of the Blade! Watch to find out a startling fact about one of the counselors.


And here's a video from our last show. Thanks to Kevin Lee for filming.

Stats 2012

Every day, I obsessively keep track of everything I do in Word and Excel documents, most particularly with the movies I watch. Then at the end of every year, I gather up some statistics and make pie charts. These are the stats for how I spent my 2012. The arrows indicate how it compares to the previous year's numbers.

Movies seen for the first time: 316 (↑70)
Movies rewatched: 101 (↑40)
Total: 417 (↑110)
Movies seen in the theater (including rewatches): 174 (↑5)

Short films watched: 27 (↓21)
Short films rewatched: 8 (↑5)

Seasons of TV watched: 12 (↓7)
Books Read: 10 (↑4)
Comedy Shows Gone To: 21 (not including shows I was on) (↑2)

Watched the most movies in October (49).
Watched the least movies in April (26).
Watched the most movies in the theater in October (44, a personal record).
Watched the least movies in the theater in December (5).

First movie watched in 2012: Back to the Future 1-3
Last movie watched in 2012: Pitch Perfect

Top Fifteen Best Films I Watched for the First Time
1. Child of Rage (1992)
2. Xtro (1983)
3. The Girl Most Likely To... (1973)
4. Hi, Mom (1970)
5. Modern Romance (1981)
6. Sheitan (2006)
7. Dirty Dancing (1987)
8. Highlander (1986)
9. Sybil (1976)
10. Martin (1976)
11. Patrick Still Lives (1980)
12. Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000)
13. Daisies (1966)
14. The Entity (1982)
15. Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)

Best book I read: Bossypants by Tina Fey

Best TV I watched: 30 Rock (Seasons 1-4), Parks and Recreation, Burning Love, The Mindy Project, Girls, The Heart She Holler

Movie Pie Charts

Decades


Emotions


Formats


Full breakdown of formats:
35mm: 117
Blu-ray: 38
DVD: 108
Streaming: 49
DCP: 42
Download: 32
VHS: 4
Projected HD: 20
Projected SD: 7
TV: 1
70mm: 1
11 in 3D (all DCPs)

As for Countries, the places I watched the most films from besides the US are (in descending order) the UK, France, Canada, Japan, Germany, and Italy.

June Waters

Meeting John Waters on my 16th birthday, at the premiere of Pecker.

I first saw Pink Flamingos when I had just turned 14, and it changed my life. There was a sensibility to it and a humor that had existed only in my head before that, and seeing it externalized was a revelation. Its influence on my teenage life was enormous, and has a huge role in my sense of humor and who I am today. It's also almost singularly responsible for my obsession with movies. Naturally, John Waters was my favorite filmmaker for years, and even now, I'd say no other artist is as important to me. So basically, June Waters was unnecessary because I had already seen all of his films, most of them multiple times. But it's good for me to revisit those favorites every few years, and this was an excuse to do so, as well as revisit the ones I hadn't seen so often, like his last two films (Cecil B. Demented and A Dirty Shame), and Hairspray, which had been too saccharine for me in high school, but I was now able to appreciate as one of his best works. I had also never watched each of his films in a short period of time, in order, which is always a fascinating way to explore the arc of a director's career. So that's what I did, starting from the surprisingly entrancing Mondo Trasho, and including every documentary made on Waters, special features, audio commentaries (his are among the greatest I've ever heard), and even some movies he didn't direct that feature Divine or Edith Massey. I would've loved to have included Mink Stole's filmography as well, but it would've been too much, as it took me an extra month to watch everything as it is.

Other than a newfound appreciation of Hairspray, I don't know that I really learned anything from June/ly Waters, but it was still very rewarding and great, and I will always love him dearly, and will continue to rewatch his films forever.

Ranked:
1. Pink Flamingos (1972)
2. Female Trouble (1974)
3. Desperate Living (1977)
4. Serial Mom (1994)
5. Polyester (1981)
6. Hairspray (1988)
7. Mondo Trasho (1969)
8. Multiple Maniacs (1970)
9. Pecker (1998)
10. Cry-Baby (1990)
11. A Dirty Shame (2004)
12. The Diane Linkletter Story (1970)
13. Cecil B. Demented (2000)

View this list on Letterboxd.

Next month: Augd Solondz and Augdy Sidargust (Andy Sidaris).

SeiJune Suzuki

Seijun Suzuki was a director I had heard of, but didn't know a lot about. So he was a perfect choice to devote a month of movie-watching to. Instead, I only watched four of his films. I started with Branded to Kill and Tokyo Drifter, his two most experimental films, and surely the absolute worst films I could possibly use as an introduction to his career. I didn't dislike them, but I wasn't ready for them. They were baffling to me. I had never seen films before that could be so intriguing, without being the least bit engrossing. I had a better time with Youth of the Beast, though my mind still wandered a bit, and then Story of a Prostitute was visually pleasing, but not really my kind of movie. So it wasn't a very successful month. I'm still curious about his other 80 or whatever movies, though, so maybe next SeiJune I'll give him another try.

Ranked:
1. Youth of the Beast (1963)
2. Tokyo Drifter (1966)
3. Story of a Prostitute (1965)
4. Branded to Kill (1967)

Wes Mayven, Hayao May-azaki, Mayvid Cronenberg, George Ro-May-ro Wrap-ups

As with pretty much every month, I didn't accomplish as much as I would've liked as far as conquering the filmographies of various directors whose names semi-effectively mash-up with whatever month it is. In May, I took on 4 directors, which was perhaps too ambitious, but honestly, the thing that got in the way more than anything else was Celebrity Apprentice. I don't remember when the season actually started, but the episodes had piled up in my Hulu queue. Every episode is like an hour and a half! So I ended up watching all 13 in the middle of the month, which is 90 minutes a day that would normally be reserved for movie-watching. It's a great show, but I was very annoyed that Arsenio Hall won it because he showed he has some issues with women. Clay Aiken is a better person, and was a better player. What is wrong with you, Donald Trump?


Wes Mayven
I had seen just about every film of his already, though I wish I had revisited more of them to write about, especially Scream 2 and 3, which I haven't seen since their release (and at the time, really disliked). I enjoyed tracking down his more rare films, though, and now I've seen all of his directorial works except Music of the Heart (not interested) and a Disney TV thing called Casebusters (couldn't find it).

Ranked:
1. Deadly Friend (1986)
2. Last House on the Left (1972)
3. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
4. The People Under the Stairs (1991)
5. Scream 4 (2011)
6. New Nightmare (1994)
7. Scream (1996)
8. The Hills Have Eyes (1977)
9. The Serpent and the Rainbow (1988)
10. Deadly Blessing (1981)
11. The Hills Have Eyes Part II (1984)
12. Red Eye (2005)
13. Swamp Thing (1982)
14. Vampire in Brooklyn (1995)
15. Summer of Fear (1978)
16. Scream 2 (1997)
17. Shocker (1989)
18. The Fireworks Woman (1975)
19. Invitation to Hell (1984)
20. Cursed (2005)
21. Night Visions (1990)
22. My Soul to Take (2010)
23. Chiller (1985)
24. Scream 3 (2000)
25. Paris Je T'aime (2007)
View this list on Letterboxd.


Hayao May-azaki
This one I also kind of fell into because the Cinefamily was doing a retrospective. Unfortunately, I missed Howl's Moving Castle and Princess Mononoke (which I've seen before, but awhile back), but I'll see them eventually.

Ranked:
1. Spirited Away (2001)
2. Porco Rosso (1992)
3. Castle in the Sky (1986)
4. Princess Mononoke (1997)
5. Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984)
6. My Neighbor Totoro (1988)
7. Kiki's Delivery Service (1989)
8. Ponyo (2009)


Mayvid Cronenberg
One of my favorite directors ever. I had seen everything, so mainly used the month to refresh myself on the ones I couldn't remember as well. I enjoyed Shivers and Rabid quite a bit more than I had on first viewing. His later films have been good, and his latest, Cosmopolis, looks great, but I sure fucking wish he'd go back to sci-fi.

Ranked:
1. The Brood (1979)
2. Videodrome (1983)
3. Scanners (1981)
4. The Fly (1986)
5. Crash (1996)
6. Shivers (1975)
7. Maps to the Stars (2014)
8. Dead Ringers (1988)
9. eXistenZ (1999)
10. A History of Violence (2005)
11. From the Drain (1967)
12. Naked Lunch (1991)
13. Rabid (1977)

14. The Dead Zone (1983)

15. Eastern Promises (2007)

16. The Lie Chair (1975)

17. M. Butterfly (1993)

18. Fast Company (1979)

19. The Italian Machine (1976)

20. A Dangerous Method (2011)
21. Spider (2002)
22. Crimes of the Future (1970)
23. Stereo (1969)
24. At the Suicide of the Last Jew in the World in the Last Cinema in the World (2007)
25. Camera (2000)
26. Cosmopolis (2012)
View this list on Letterboxd.


George Ro-May-ro
I've been meaning to check out more of Romero's non-Dead movies, and I wanted to watch Dawn of the Dead again and see if I could finally stop thinking it was overrated. So I did, and I can't. Still think it's overrated (I do really like it, just not nearly as much as everyone else). I wanted to watch Day of the Dead again too, which is my favorite of the Deads, but I wasn't able to get to it. Having seen the majority of his work now, I'd say he's a great director, and one of undeniable importance, but not quite a personal favorite. I think he tends to focus more on drama than the traditional horror filmmaker, and I get why people appreciate that, but I don't find the same value in it.

Ranked:
1. Martin (1976)
2. Creepshow (1982)
3. Day of the Dead (1985)
4. Monkey Shines (1988)
5. Dawn of the Dead (1978)

6. Night of the Living Dead (1968)

7. The Crazies (1973)
8. Land of the Dead (2005)
9. Knightriders (1981)
10. Diary of the Dead (2007)
11. Bruiser (2000)
View this list on Letterboxd.

Up next: SeiJune Suzuki (thanks to Daphny David for this one) and June Waters. If I have time, maybe some June Carpenter.

De Palmonths of Brian

I'm starting to learn with these theme months that 30ish days is not a long enough time to fully explore a director's entire filmography, if they've made something like 28 features (as De Palma has). So De Palmarch stretched into De PalmApril, and I had to scrap April Ferrara and VHS tApril (movies only available on, or shot on, VHS).

It's been an extremely rewarding couple of months. I watched every single one of De Palma's films, including those I had seen before, his early shorts (the only two that weren't impossible to find), and his disappointingly ordinary music video for Bruce Springsteen (the music video that shows up in the middle of Body Double, from the same year, is far more impressive), and I watched them all in order. I read The De Palma Cut: The Films of America's Most Controversial Director (which covered his work up to The Untouchables) by Laurent Bouzereau, who also directed the many exhaustive Making-Of documentaries I watched.

De P's progress as a visual storyteller was fascinating, as was the recurrence of his many prevalent themes and techniques. Many are already associated with his work, like peeping/voyeurism, doubles (twins, doppelgangers, multiple personality, etc.), split-screen, long tracking shots, swirling cameras, and split-diopter (a device, wholly unique to De Palma, that keeps both the foreground and background simultaneously in focus). But there were other little things that would pop up, too. Like, he shoots a TV screen (or film screen, or monitor) in almost every single film. Or that three of his films (Carrie, Dressed to Kill, Blow Out) open with a shower scene (Body Double was supposed to as well, but the scene (which now plays over the end credits) didn't work at the beginning). Also, he's like really into peeping and voyeurism.

He's a brilliant director, and a fairly weird one, without a single true mis-step (I didn't like Dionysus in '69, but that was more something he filmed and presented than "directed"). His strongest period was in the 70s and 80s (whose wasn't, when it comes to directors of that period who are still around?), but his later stuff is worth exploring as well, and he has definitely cemented himself as one of my favorite directors. Love you, BDP.

Also, RIP to the amazing William Finley, who died last week. Edgar Wright wrote a great tribute here. And my friend Ryan wrote one here.

Ranked:
1. Carrie (1976)
2. Phantom of the Paradise (1974)
3. Dressed to Kill (1980)
4. Body Double (1984)
5. Hi, Mom! (1970)
6. Scarface (1983)
7. Blow Out (1981)
8. Home Movies (1980)
9. Mission: Impossible (1996)
10. Sisters (1973)
11. Casualties of War (1989)
12. Raising Cain (1992)
13. Femme Fatale (2002)
14. Carlito’s Way (1993)
15. Mission to Mars (2000)
16. Obsession (1976)
17. The Fury (1978)
18. Snake Eyes (1998)
19. The Untouchables (1987)
20. Murder á la Mod (1968)
21. Wise Guys (1986)
22. The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990)
23. Greetings (1968)
24. Passion (2012)
25. Get to Know Your Rabbit (1972)
26. Redacted (2007)
26. The Wedding Party (1963/1969)
27. The Responsive Eye (1966)
28. The Black Dahlia (2006)
29. Bruce Springsteen - "Dancing in the Dark" (1984)
30. Woton's Wake (1962)
31. Dionysus in '69 (1970)

View this list on Letterboxd.