2017 MOVIE STATS

There's no real reason anyone would be interested in this other than a general interest in me being an obsessive person who is pretty good at Microsoft Excel, but here are some pie charts and statistics about all of the movies I watched in 2017. I've been doing this for like 10 years, but I don't usually post it anywhere.

Arrows indicate how it compares to the previous year's numbers!
 This is for feature films only. I also have this all broken down for short films, but that seems even less worth posting.

Movies seen for the first time: 371 (↑132)
Movies rewatched: 73 (↑26)
Total: 444 (↑158, not having a job is the best! lol i can't pay my rent)

Watched the most movies in July: 58
Watched the least movies in April: 4 (I was in the middle of moving)
Movies seen in the theater (including rewatches): 110 (↑22)

Watched the most movies in the theater in July: 16
Watched the least movies in the theater in April: 1

Decades Breakdown
(new watches only)

1920s - 3, 1% (same)
1930s - 5, 1% (↓2%)
1940s - 10, 3% (↑1%)
1950s - 13, 3% (↑2%)
1960s - 22, 6% (↑2%)
1970s - 44, 12% (↑7%)
1980s - 96, 26% (↑12%)
1990s - 36, 10% (↓6%)
2000s - 38, 10% (↑2%)
2010s - 50, 13% (↓13%)
2017 - 55, 15% (↓5%)

Formats Breakdown
(includes rewatches)

Streaming: 140, 31% (↑15%)
Download: 110, 24% (↑12%)
35mm: 67, 15% (↑2%)
DCP: 39, 9% (↓9%)
DVD: 32, 7% (↓9%)
Blu-ray: 30, 7% (↓15%)
Youtube/Internet: 11, 2% (same)
Projected SD (dvd, etc): 7, 2% (↑2%)
Projected HD (blu-ray, etc): 4, 1% (same)
VHS: 3, 1% (↑1%)
16mm: 3, 1% (↑1%)
70mm: 1 (0 in 2016)
Airplane: 1 (0 in 2016)
2 in 3D (1 in 2016)
1 in IMAX (0 in 2016)


Watched movies from 31 different countries (not including rewatches or shorts). The highest, besides the US, were UK (34), Canada (24), France (22), Japan (13), Hong Kong (10) and Australia (10).

Watched 81 movies set in New York.

Most Watched Directors:
Roberta Findlay (7)
David DeCoteau (6)
Abel Ferrara (6)
Dario Argento (6, all in one night @ New Beverly)
Tobe Hooper (5, plus 1 short, and 12 episodes of TV)
Terence Fisher (5)
Spike Lee (5)
Lloyd Kaufman (5)

Most Watched Actors:
Nicolas Cage (23)
Christopher Lee (9)
Samuel L. Jackson (7)
Laurence Fishburne (6)
James Caan (6)
Rosie Perez (5)

TOP 10 BEST MOVIES I WATCHED THAT WERE NEW TO ME (not including 2017 movies)
1. Meet the Fokkens (2011, Gabrielle Provaas, Rob Schröder)
2. A Question of Silence (1982, Marleen Gorris)
3. Uptown Girls (2003, Boaz Yakin)
4. O.J.: Made in America (2016, Ezra Edelman)
5. Shakedown (1988, James Glickenhaus)
6. Double Down (2005, Neil Breen)
7. I Am Here....Now (2009, Neil Breen)
8. Giuseppe Makes a Movie (2014, Adam Rifkin)
9. The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst (2015, Andrew Jarecki)
10. The Telephone Book (1971, Nelson Lyon)

But I liked pretty much everything!
Top 50 Here

OTHER LISTS
Seasons of TV watched: 31 (↑16)
Books Read: a pathetically low number
Stand-up specials watched: 5 (↑4)

Best TV Watched (not 2017)
1. Game of Thrones Seasons 1-4 (ranked 4,3,1,2)
2. Search Party Season 1
3. Lady Dynamite Season 1
4. Comedy Bang Bang Season 2
5. Jessica Jones Season 1

Best Book Read (not 2017)
The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer by Jennifer Lynch

Diary of a Wookiee Housewife

I made a fanedit of The Star Wars Holiday Special. You can find it here https://youtu.be/PagotBc9QWY or here https://vimeo.com/246640916. For those not familiar, The Star Wars Holiday Special is a notoriously awful tv special from 1978 that aired only once and George Lucas has been trying to bury its existence ever since.

It’s primarily focused on Chewbacca’s family as they wait for him to arrive home to celebrate Life Day. There are long stretches where the Wookiees communicate only with each other, untranslated for the audience. Then there are guest appearances from original characters Leia, Luke, Han, Chewbacca, R2-D2, and C-3PO, musical numbers, a cartoon, an acrobats routine, and intolerable comedy bits.

My personal opinion is that it’s mostly fine, some of it is pretty good, and some of it is truly terrible. My objective with re-editing it was to approach it as a product that is not that bad, and could be salvaged into something perfectly watchable. I didn’t want to do just a clip show of it’s weirdest, craziest moments, but to actually maintain a consistent, coherent storyline, while also staying true to its format as a variety show. I was inspired by a fanedit I watched of The Phantom Menace that actually turned it into a pretty great movie, and felt like how the movie was meant to be. That’s what I hope I’ve done to the best possible degree with the Holiday Special.

Here are the MAJOR changes that I made.

1. Added subtitles for Chewbacca’s family. I don’t speak Wookiee, but I did the best I could to translate using context, and hopefully developed their characters more. I did not set out to make their dialogue funny, but I think it turned out that way anyway. Warning, in case this matters to someone, they occasionally use profanity. But like, also there’s a scene where Chewbacca’s dad masturbates in the living room, and that is an actual part of the original broadcast. So NSFW all around. I did not translate Chewbacca, or the scenes with his family once he returns, because it would feel like a violation of an original character/the films.

2. Removed all traces of actor Harvey Korman, who plays three characters and they are all horrendous. I also took out as much of Art Carney as possible, pretty much everything that wasn’t important to the plot.

3. I filled in all of the commercial breaks entirely with commercials directly related to Star Wars, mostly from the same era.

Other than that, it was a ton of trimming, taking out filler and bullshit. In total, I removed about 40 minutes. It’s now 70 minutes total (including 12 minutes of commercials). Thanks to EditDroid for the excellent image quality of the source material, and a ton of youtube users for making all the commercials available.

Please enjoy Diary of a Wookiee Housewife: The Star Wars Holiday Special Fanedit, and please spread it around to any Star Wars fans you think might enjoy it!

Best Films of 2016

These are the best movies of 2016. I guess The Lobster was released in 2016, and that would be my #1, but I saw it in 2015, so I left it off.

BEST MOVIES
1. Elle
2. Divines
3. Under the Shadow
4. Green Room
5. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
6. Ghostbusters
7. 10 Cloverfield Lane
8. Dog Eat Dog
9. Don’t Breathe
10. Arrival
11. Hush
12. The Nice Guys
13. Hunt for the Wilderpeople
14. Wiener-Dog
15. 31
16. Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (this might be 2017, but IMDb says 2016, and all that really matters is that it’s great and I love these movies)
17. Now You See Me 2
18. La La Land
19. Moonlight
20. Nine Lives

Best Documentaries
1. Bright Lights: Starring Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds
2. 13th
3. Author: The JT LeRoy Story

Best Comedy Special
Laurie Kilmartin: 45 Jokes About My Dead Dad (I haven't actually watched this yet, but be serious, no one is better than Laurie right now)

Best Acting
1. Oulaya Amamra in Divines
2. Isabelle Huppert in Elle
3. Kate McKinnon in Ghostbusters
4. Jena Malone in The Neon Demon
5. John Goodman in 10 Cloverfield Lane
6. Sofia Boutella in Star Trek Beyond
7. Margot Robbie in Suicide Squad
8. Willem Dafoe in Dog Eat Dog

Best Supporting
1. Keanu Reeves in The Neon Demon
2. Rima Te Wiata in Hunt for the Wilderpeople
3. Rhys Darby in Hunt for the Wilderpeople
4. Joe Manganiello in Pee-wee's Big Holiday
5. Sully Seagull in The Shallows

Best Voiceover Performances
1. Alan Tudyk in Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
2. Kevin Spacey in Nine Lives

Taken Sequels

I’m very excited that a new Taken movie is coming out, and I’m even more excited that it is called TAK3N. I hope they continue making Taken movies forever. Here is a list of potential titles.

TAKEN
TAKEN 2 (aka Even Takener, or 2Taken 2Furious)
TAK3N
T4KEN
TAK5N
TAKEN 6: The Takening
7AKEN
TAKEN 8: Taken Care of Business
TAKEN 9: The Taken of Pelham 1-2-3
TAKEN 10: Look Who’s Taken
TAKEN 11: Look Who’s Taken Too
TAKEN 12: Why Hast God Fortaken Me?
TAKEN 13: Look Who’s Taken Now
TAKEN 14: Taken It Easy For Awhile
TAKEN 15: The Grey
TAKEN 16: Taken a Walk Among the Tombstones
TAKEN 17: In Space
TAKEN 18: Taken Takes Manhattan
TAKEN 19: Ransom starring Mel Gibson
TAKEN 20: Take Anything You Want, I’m Through Fighting
Donated (TAKEN Prequel)

BEST FILMS OF 2013

I normally don't like to include festival movies I may have seen before their US release date because it annoys me when other people do it. They haven't really come out yet! They are future movies, and they don't belong on your "year of the past" list! So my general standard is that if it hasn't been "released" during the year in question, I don't include it. For example, my #1 movie of 2013 (Spring Breakers) is listed on IMDb as 2012, but it is definitely my #1 movie of 2013. And We Are the Best! (#2 here) will likely be the Best Film of 2014, but I happened to see it at a festival in November, so when I make my Best Of list for next year, I'm gonna feel like an asshole when I can't include it because I saw it early like an asshole. But IMDb lists it as 2013, so I guess I have to consider it 2013.

Because on the flip side, in a few years, it doesn't matter. I'll go back to this list and be like "What's all this 2012 shit doing on here?" Which is a dilemma I have definitely encountered before. Basically, it's a confusing, frustrating issue with no real solution, and there is pretty much nothing worse in the world when it comes to yearly list-making. Get it together, cinema.

This year, for simplicity's sake (sorta), I'm giving in and including the festival stuff. Which means, for consistency's sake, I should exclude movies with a listed date of 2012. With the noted exception of Spring Breakers, which is unquestionably my favorite film of the year (and has moved into my Top 10 of All Time), and cannot go unlisted here, at least for now. There were some other great "2012" films that came out this year, however, that I will work into last year's list instead.

Favorite "2011" movies from 2013
You're Next

Favorite "2012" movies from 2013
1. Maniac
2. The Act of Killing
3. Baby Blues
4. Sightseers

Best Actor
1. James Franco in Spring Breakers
2. Jonah Hill in The Wolf of Wall Street
3. Leonardo DiCaprio in The Wolf of Wall Street
4. Rob Lowe in Behind the Candelabra
5. David Koechner in Cheap Thrills
Honorable Mentions: Marilyn Manson in Wrong Cops, Matthew McConaughey in The Wolf of Wall Street, Jared Leto in Dallas Buyers Club, The Rock in Pain & Gain

Best Actress
1. Uma Thurman in Nymphomaniac: Vol. I
2. Mira Barkhammar in We Are the Best!
3. Mira Grosin in We Are the Best!
4. Greta Gerwig in Frances Ha
5. Emma Watson in The Bling Ring
Honorable Mentions: Kathryn Hahn in Afternoon Delight, Sally Hawkins in Blue Jasmine

Best Scenes
1. Alien plays Britney Spears' "Everytime" on piano in Spring Breakers
2. Brit and Candy intimidate Alien with a gun in Spring Breakers
3. The quaaludes scene in The Wolf of Wall Street
4. "I'm So Excited" song in I'm So Excited!

Best Special Effects
1. A Talking Cat!?!
2. Evil Dead

Best Hansel & Gretel Movies from 2013
1. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
2. Hansel & Gretel
3. Hansel & Gretel Get Baked
4. Hansel & Gretel: Warriors of Witchcraft

Best Cameos
Jennifer Tilly and Alex Vincent in Curse of Chucky

Best Comedy Special
1. Kristen Schaal: Live at the Fillmore
2. Pete Holmes: Nice Try, the Devil
3. Kumail Nanjiani: Beta Male
4. Louis C.K.: Oh My God

TOP 10 BEST FILMS OF 2013

1. Spring Breakers (Harmony Korine)
2. We Are the Best! (Lukas Moodysson)
3. Moebius (Kim Ki-duk)
4. The Wolf of Wall Street (Martin Scorsese)
5. Gravity (Alfonso Cuarón)
6. Curse of Chucky (Don Mancini)
7. Jodorowsky's Dune (Frank Pavich)
8. The Punk Singer (Sini Anderson)
9. A Talking Cat!?! (David DeCoteau)
10. Evil Dead (Fede Alvarez)
MORE HERE

David DeCoteau

A Talking Cat!?! is truly one of the best films of 2013. Has it been recognized by the Academy? Perhaps not, and that is a shame. Will it be nominated for a Razzie Award? Perhaps it will (or already has), and that’s an even bigger shame. The Razzies are for ironic assholes who like to shit on things they haven’t even seen to make themselves feel cooler. Fuck the Razzies. I hate the Razzies. A Talking Cat!?! deserves better. I love this movie. I love the special effect for the cat’s mouth when it’s talking. I love that Eric Roberts recorded his voiceover work over the phone, and was clearly distracted most of the time. I love that this is supposed to be a family film, and one of the main characters wears a t-shirt with a Spanish phrase on it that translates to “a fucking day at a time.” I love that the cat gets sick, and this is what he looks like after being seen by the vet. There is a moment in this film that may have shocked me more than anything else I’ve ever seen in a movie. The mother of the film is baking cheese puffs in the oven, and when they’re done, she casually takes out the metal tray with her bare hands. She then hands it over to someone else, who immediately drops it because it’s too hot, meaning it’s not a flub. It was an intentional choice by the director to have the mom be impervious to pain.


The director of this film is named David DeCoteau. And A Talking Cat!?! is his 100th film. He’s already made a dozen more since, including A Talking Pony!?! and My Stepbrother is a Vampire!?!. I’m obsessed with his career, and of his 100+ films, I am ashamed to say that I have only seen 31 of them. If you are unfamiliar with David DeCoteau, it’s about time you learned.


DeCoteau started his career in the 80s directing pornography, both gay and straight, with titles like New Wave Hustlers, Revenge of the Babes, and Totally Awesome. He was then hired to work for Full Moon Pictures, and directed the film Dreamaniac. Not one of my favorites, save for an amazing scene where someone gets their entire head chopped off with a power drill. Through the 80s and early 90s, he made a bunch of camp classics and some legitimately fun T&A classics like Nightmare Sisters, Beach Babes from Beyond starring Joe Estevez, Don Swayze, Jackie Stallone, and Joey Travolta, Creepozoids, Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000, and the legendary Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, one of many films made with 80s scream queens Linnea Quigley, Michelle Bauer, and Brinke Stevens, who would later reunite in DeCoteau's 1313: Cougar Cult.


In the second half of the 90s, he made a few cheap horror movies, of varying quality. I’m a fan of The Killer Eye from ’99 starring Jacqueline Lovell (my favorite 90s softcore actress), but most of them can be skipped. In the 2000s, though, is where he really hit his stride, proving himself as a true visionary by creating the homoerotic softcore thriller. I highly recommend the films Leeches, Beastly Boyz, and the first two films of The Brotherhood series. The Brotherhood II: Young Warlocks is especially good. It’s about a group of boys who are having trouble adjusting to college life, and they meet a charming blonde who does card tricks that promises them the world. Below is an abridged version of the scene where the guys are indoctrinated into the society of warlocks.


So that’s the kind of thing you can expect in a modern DeCoteau film. There’s even a pool scene in A Talking Cat!?! Lately, he’s made a bunch of film under the 1313 banner. These films, which are all shot in the same mansion, exist solely to show off men’s bodies. There’s about 15 minutes of story, then an hour of boys walking around in their underwear and taking showers. And it’s great, but it’s also barely even softcore. The boys are all supposed to be straight, so they never make out or anything. The licking in Brotherhood II is the closest it’s ever gotten. And it’s surprisingly tame with nudity. Even in the shower scenes, you never get to see any ass, you certainly don’t get to see any dick. It’s all tease. It’s like these movies are made for people who think softcore is just too hardcore. Almost all of those are streaming on Netflix. And right now, he’s mostly making family movies about Christmas and animals and stuff. He may not put in the same effort as he once did, but his filmography is so amazing. He started in gay pornography, and now he makes family films. At the very least, no one else can claim that.


Ranked: The Films of David DeCoteau

Suggested Taglines: Sleepaway Camp

Sleepaway Camp (1983).

Suggested Taglines:
-If the Shoe Fits, Stab It
-Sorry I Killed You, We Just Really Got Off On The Wrong Foot
-Camp Activities Include Swimming, Archery, Hiking, Mutilation, Dismemberment, and a Stand-Up Comedy Talent Show
-You'll Be Pitching a Tent in Your Pants... If You Get Off On Blood

Stats 2012

Every day, I obsessively keep track of everything I do in Word and Excel documents, most particularly with the movies I watch. Then at the end of every year, I gather up some statistics and make pie charts. These are the stats for how I spent my 2012. The arrows indicate how it compares to the previous year's numbers.

Movies seen for the first time: 316 (↑70)
Movies rewatched: 101 (↑40)
Total: 417 (↑110)
Movies seen in the theater (including rewatches): 174 (↑5)

Short films watched: 27 (↓21)
Short films rewatched: 8 (↑5)

Seasons of TV watched: 12 (↓7)
Books Read: 10 (↑4)
Comedy Shows Gone To: 21 (not including shows I was on) (↑2)

Watched the most movies in October (49).
Watched the least movies in April (26).
Watched the most movies in the theater in October (44, a personal record).
Watched the least movies in the theater in December (5).

First movie watched in 2012: Back to the Future 1-3
Last movie watched in 2012: Pitch Perfect

Top Fifteen Best Films I Watched for the First Time
1. Child of Rage (1992)
2. Xtro (1983)
3. The Girl Most Likely To... (1973)
4. Hi, Mom (1970)
5. Modern Romance (1981)
6. Sheitan (2006)
7. Dirty Dancing (1987)
8. Highlander (1986)
9. Sybil (1976)
10. Martin (1976)
11. Patrick Still Lives (1980)
12. Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000)
13. Daisies (1966)
14. The Entity (1982)
15. Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)

Best book I read: Bossypants by Tina Fey

Best TV I watched: 30 Rock (Seasons 1-4), Parks and Recreation, Burning Love, The Mindy Project, Girls, The Heart She Holler

Movie Pie Charts

Decades


Emotions


Formats


Full breakdown of formats:
35mm: 117
Blu-ray: 38
DVD: 108
Streaming: 49
DCP: 42
Download: 32
VHS: 4
Projected HD: 20
Projected SD: 7
TV: 1
70mm: 1
11 in 3D (all DCPs)

As for Countries, the places I watched the most films from besides the US are (in descending order) the UK, France, Canada, Japan, Germany, and Italy.

Augdy Sidargust: Return to Savage Beach

Return to Savage Beach (1998, Andy Sidaris) - 7.0
The final film of Andy Sidaris’ epic series has the L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies (and men) trying to track down the location of Savage Beach, which apparently has tons more riches yet to be discovered, and one of the villains (Rodrigo Obregon, who has played a different villain in nearly every film), who was blown up at the end of Savage Beach, is actually alive, and also trying to get to the riches. The L.E.T.H.A.L. team, by the way, is aided by Warrior, the ruthless, homicidal villain from the previous movie who has reformed after three months in prison. The plot and action scenes are all a bit generic by this point, but it picks up at the end when Rodrigo tells his story, which features flashbacks to the earlier films (including footage of the series’ best characters, Donna and Taryn), and tries to tie much of the whole series together (there’s also a scene featuring a prop model plane from the earlier films, which a character actually remarks is a great piece of memorabilia). Then there’s some random twists, a song kicks in called “Which Ending Does This Story Have?”, and all the characters toast their champagne one final time (every single one of the L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies movies ends with the good guys toasting champagne). Not an amazing film on its own, but still a satisfying conclusion to a great set of movies.

08/27/12: DVD

Andy Sidaris, Ranked:
1. Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)
2. Stacey! (1973)
3. Malibu Express (1985)
4. Do or Die (1991)
5. Savage Beach (1989)
6. Guns (1990)
7. Fit to Kill (1993)
8. Picasso Trigger (1988)
9. Return to Savage Beach (1998)
10. Hard Hunted (1992)
11. Seven (1979)
12. Day of the Warrior (1996)
13. Enemy Gold (1993)
14. The Dallas Connection (1994)

Suggested Taglines: Sleep of Death

Sleep of Death (1980). This appears to be a movie about a vampire pillow. As you can see on this VHS cover, it’s been tied up and staked through its pillow heart with a crucifix.

Suggested Taglines:
A Pillow Fight to the Death.

Say Goodnight to Being Alive.

Go to Sleep. It’s Past Your Deadtime.

Sleep Tight. Don’t Let The Bed Bite.

You’ll Sleep Like a Baby. Who Died During Childbirth.

Your Sleep Number Just Became 666.

Fluff This Pillow, And You’ll Be Fluffing Your Whole Life Away.

Kill It Before It Sheets You Alive.

June Waters

Meeting John Waters on my 16th birthday, at the premiere of Pecker.

I first saw Pink Flamingos when I had just turned 14, and it changed my life. There was a sensibility to it and a humor that had existed only in my head before that, and seeing it externalized was a revelation. Its influence on my teenage life was enormous, and has a huge role in my sense of humor and who I am today. It's also almost singularly responsible for my obsession with movies. Naturally, John Waters was my favorite filmmaker for years, and even now, I'd say no other artist is as important to me. So basically, June Waters was unnecessary because I had already seen all of his films, most of them multiple times. But it's good for me to revisit those favorites every few years, and this was an excuse to do so, as well as revisit the ones I hadn't seen so often, like his last two films (Cecil B. Demented and A Dirty Shame), and Hairspray, which had been too saccharine for me in high school, but I was now able to appreciate as one of his best works. I had also never watched each of his films in a short period of time, in order, which is always a fascinating way to explore the arc of a director's career. So that's what I did, starting from the surprisingly entrancing Mondo Trasho, and including every documentary made on Waters, special features, audio commentaries (his are among the greatest I've ever heard), and even some movies he didn't direct that feature Divine or Edith Massey. I would've loved to have included Mink Stole's filmography as well, but it would've been too much, as it took me an extra month to watch everything as it is.

Other than a newfound appreciation of Hairspray, I don't know that I really learned anything from June/ly Waters, but it was still very rewarding and great, and I will always love him dearly, and will continue to rewatch his films forever.

Ranked:
1. Pink Flamingos (1972)
2. Female Trouble (1974)
3. Desperate Living (1977)
4. Serial Mom (1994)
5. Polyester (1981)
6. Hairspray (1988)
7. Mondo Trasho (1969)
8. Multiple Maniacs (1970)
9. Pecker (1998)
10. Cry-Baby (1990)
11. A Dirty Shame (2004)
12. The Diane Linkletter Story (1970)
13. Cecil B. Demented (2000)

View this list on Letterboxd.

Next month: Augd Solondz and Augdy Sidargust (Andy Sidaris).

SeiJune Suzuki

Seijun Suzuki was a director I had heard of, but didn't know a lot about. So he was a perfect choice to devote a month of movie-watching to. Instead, I only watched four of his films. I started with Branded to Kill and Tokyo Drifter, his two most experimental films, and surely the absolute worst films I could possibly use as an introduction to his career. I didn't dislike them, but I wasn't ready for them. They were baffling to me. I had never seen films before that could be so intriguing, without being the least bit engrossing. I had a better time with Youth of the Beast, though my mind still wandered a bit, and then Story of a Prostitute was visually pleasing, but not really my kind of movie. So it wasn't a very successful month. I'm still curious about his other 80 or whatever movies, though, so maybe next SeiJune I'll give him another try.

Ranked:
1. Youth of the Beast (1963)
2. Tokyo Drifter (1966)
3. Story of a Prostitute (1965)
4. Branded to Kill (1967)

Wes Mayven, Hayao May-azaki, Mayvid Cronenberg, George Ro-May-ro Wrap-ups

As with pretty much every month, I didn't accomplish as much as I would've liked as far as conquering the filmographies of various directors whose names semi-effectively mash-up with whatever month it is. In May, I took on 4 directors, which was perhaps too ambitious, but honestly, the thing that got in the way more than anything else was Celebrity Apprentice. I don't remember when the season actually started, but the episodes had piled up in my Hulu queue. Every episode is like an hour and a half! So I ended up watching all 13 in the middle of the month, which is 90 minutes a day that would normally be reserved for movie-watching. It's a great show, but I was very annoyed that Arsenio Hall won it because he showed he has some issues with women. Clay Aiken is a better person, and was a better player. What is wrong with you, Donald Trump?


Wes Mayven
I had seen just about every film of his already, though I wish I had revisited more of them to write about, especially Scream 2 and 3, which I haven't seen since their release (and at the time, really disliked). I enjoyed tracking down his more rare films, though, and now I've seen all of his directorial works except Music of the Heart (not interested) and a Disney TV thing called Casebusters (couldn't find it).

Ranked:
1. Deadly Friend (1986)
2. Last House on the Left (1972)
3. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
4. The People Under the Stairs (1991)
5. Scream 4 (2011)
6. New Nightmare (1994)
7. Scream (1996)
8. The Hills Have Eyes (1977)
9. The Serpent and the Rainbow (1988)
10. Deadly Blessing (1981)
11. The Hills Have Eyes Part II (1984)
12. Red Eye (2005)
13. Swamp Thing (1982)
14. Vampire in Brooklyn (1995)
15. Summer of Fear (1978)
16. Scream 2 (1997)
17. Shocker (1989)
18. The Fireworks Woman (1975)
19. Invitation to Hell (1984)
20. Cursed (2005)
21. Night Visions (1990)
22. My Soul to Take (2010)
23. Chiller (1985)
24. Scream 3 (2000)
25. Paris Je T'aime (2007)
View this list on Letterboxd.


Hayao May-azaki
This one I also kind of fell into because the Cinefamily was doing a retrospective. Unfortunately, I missed Howl's Moving Castle and Princess Mononoke (which I've seen before, but awhile back), but I'll see them eventually.

Ranked:
1. Spirited Away (2001)
2. Porco Rosso (1992)
3. Castle in the Sky (1986)
4. Princess Mononoke (1997)
5. Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984)
6. My Neighbor Totoro (1988)
7. Kiki's Delivery Service (1989)
8. Ponyo (2009)


Mayvid Cronenberg
One of my favorite directors ever. I had seen everything, so mainly used the month to refresh myself on the ones I couldn't remember as well. I enjoyed Shivers and Rabid quite a bit more than I had on first viewing. His later films have been good, and his latest, Cosmopolis, looks great, but I sure fucking wish he'd go back to sci-fi.

Ranked:
1. The Brood (1979)
2. Videodrome (1983)
3. Scanners (1981)
4. The Fly (1986)
5. Crash (1996)
6. Shivers (1975)
7. Maps to the Stars (2014)
8. Dead Ringers (1988)
9. eXistenZ (1999)
10. A History of Violence (2005)
11. From the Drain (1967)
12. Naked Lunch (1991)
13. Rabid (1977)

14. The Dead Zone (1983)

15. Eastern Promises (2007)

16. The Lie Chair (1975)

17. M. Butterfly (1993)

18. Fast Company (1979)

19. The Italian Machine (1976)

20. A Dangerous Method (2011)
21. Spider (2002)
22. Crimes of the Future (1970)
23. Stereo (1969)
24. At the Suicide of the Last Jew in the World in the Last Cinema in the World (2007)
25. Camera (2000)
26. Cosmopolis (2012)
View this list on Letterboxd.


George Ro-May-ro
I've been meaning to check out more of Romero's non-Dead movies, and I wanted to watch Dawn of the Dead again and see if I could finally stop thinking it was overrated. So I did, and I can't. Still think it's overrated (I do really like it, just not nearly as much as everyone else). I wanted to watch Day of the Dead again too, which is my favorite of the Deads, but I wasn't able to get to it. Having seen the majority of his work now, I'd say he's a great director, and one of undeniable importance, but not quite a personal favorite. I think he tends to focus more on drama than the traditional horror filmmaker, and I get why people appreciate that, but I don't find the same value in it.

Ranked:
1. Martin (1976)
2. Creepshow (1982)
3. Day of the Dead (1985)
4. Monkey Shines (1988)
5. Dawn of the Dead (1978)

6. Night of the Living Dead (1968)

7. The Crazies (1973)
8. Land of the Dead (2005)
9. Knightriders (1981)
10. Diary of the Dead (2007)
11. Bruiser (2000)
View this list on Letterboxd.

Up next: SeiJune Suzuki (thanks to Daphny David for this one) and June Waters. If I have time, maybe some June Carpenter.

De Palmonths of Brian

I'm starting to learn with these theme months that 30ish days is not a long enough time to fully explore a director's entire filmography, if they've made something like 28 features (as De Palma has). So De Palmarch stretched into De PalmApril, and I had to scrap April Ferrara and VHS tApril (movies only available on, or shot on, VHS).

It's been an extremely rewarding couple of months. I watched every single one of De Palma's films, including those I had seen before, his early shorts (the only two that weren't impossible to find), and his disappointingly ordinary music video for Bruce Springsteen (the music video that shows up in the middle of Body Double, from the same year, is far more impressive), and I watched them all in order. I read The De Palma Cut: The Films of America's Most Controversial Director (which covered his work up to The Untouchables) by Laurent Bouzereau, who also directed the many exhaustive Making-Of documentaries I watched.

De P's progress as a visual storyteller was fascinating, as was the recurrence of his many prevalent themes and techniques. Many are already associated with his work, like peeping/voyeurism, doubles (twins, doppelgangers, multiple personality, etc.), split-screen, long tracking shots, swirling cameras, and split-diopter (a device, wholly unique to De Palma, that keeps both the foreground and background simultaneously in focus). But there were other little things that would pop up, too. Like, he shoots a TV screen (or film screen, or monitor) in almost every single film. Or that three of his films (Carrie, Dressed to Kill, Blow Out) open with a shower scene (Body Double was supposed to as well, but the scene (which now plays over the end credits) didn't work at the beginning). Also, he's like really into peeping and voyeurism.

He's a brilliant director, and a fairly weird one, without a single true mis-step (I didn't like Dionysus in '69, but that was more something he filmed and presented than "directed"). His strongest period was in the 70s and 80s (whose wasn't, when it comes to directors of that period who are still around?), but his later stuff is worth exploring as well, and he has definitely cemented himself as one of my favorite directors. Love you, BDP.

Also, RIP to the amazing William Finley, who died last week. Edgar Wright wrote a great tribute here. And my friend Ryan wrote one here.

Ranked:
1. Carrie (1976)
2. Phantom of the Paradise (1974)
3. Dressed to Kill (1980)
4. Body Double (1984)
5. Hi, Mom! (1970)
6. Scarface (1983)
7. Blow Out (1981)
8. Home Movies (1980)
9. Mission: Impossible (1996)
10. Sisters (1973)
11. Casualties of War (1989)
12. Raising Cain (1992)
13. Femme Fatale (2002)
14. Carlito’s Way (1993)
15. Mission to Mars (2000)
16. Obsession (1976)
17. The Fury (1978)
18. Snake Eyes (1998)
19. The Untouchables (1987)
20. Murder á la Mod (1968)
21. Wise Guys (1986)
22. The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990)
23. Greetings (1968)
24. Passion (2012)
25. Get to Know Your Rabbit (1972)
26. Redacted (2007)
26. The Wedding Party (1963/1969)
27. The Responsive Eye (1966)
28. The Black Dahlia (2006)
29. Bruce Springsteen - "Dancing in the Dark" (1984)
30. Woton's Wake (1962)
31. Dionysus in '69 (1970)

View this list on Letterboxd.

William Febriedkinuary

I was still trying to catch up with all the 2011 movies I hadn't seen yet in February (in order to make my Best Of list), so I didn't have as much time as I would've liked for Friedkin. There are still a few I want to see (Jade, The Hunted, Deal of the Century). And I was hoping to rewatch The French Connection, which I liked when I saw it as a double feature with To Live and Die in L.A. a few years ago, but I barely remember it because the latter film (which I did watch again) overshadowed it in every way. I could use a rewatch on The Exorcist and Bug as well. Anyway, he seems to have a lot of standard quality films, but when he's great, he can be really fucking great. My Top 3 from the rankings below are all about tied as my favorites, and they're each insanely good movies.

Ranked:
1. To Live and Die in L.A. (1985)
2. Bug (2006)
3. Cruising (1980)
4. The Exorcist (1973)
5. Killer Joe (2011)
6. The Guardian (1990)
7. The French Connection (1971)
8. The Night They Raided Minsky’s (1968)
9. Rampage (1987)
10. The Brink’s Job (1978)
11. The People vs. Paul Crump (1965)
12. Jailbreakers (1994)
13. Sorcerer (1977)

View this list on Letterboxd.

And now I'm into Brian De Palmarch. This one I'm determined to really commit to, and I will be watching every single Brian De Palma film, in order. I don't know if I'lll be able to pull off not only watching them all, but writing reviews for every one. If I have to, though, I can always extend it a De Palmonth.

BEST OF 2011!!!!!!!

Turn off the Oscars! Here are my lists of my favorite 2011 films from every genre! I go off US release date, so sometimes that includes movies IMDb lists as early as 2008, but that is because IMDb hates America and our American freedom to not get around to releasing foreign movies until way later.

First,
Worst Film
1. Tie: Stake Land (Jim Mickle) / Bellflower (Evan Glodell)
Honorable Mentions: A Haunting in Salem, The Way, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

I didn't completely hate the films tied for Worst, but I actively disliked them. The HMs are ones I felt pretty whatever about.

Here are some better movies. I didn't include the #1 Best Film winner in any of the genre categories, because it already wins at everything and I couldn't decide what genre to put it in.

Best Thriller

1. Cold Fish (Sion Sono)
2. Drive Angry (Patrick Lussier)
3. I Saw the Devil (Kim Jee-woon)
4. Hobo with a Shotgun (Jason Eisener)
5. Drive (Nicolas Winding Refn)
Honorable Mentions: Red White & Blue, Contagion

Best Sci-fi Action Thriller

1. Rise of the Planet of the Apes (Rupert Wyatt)
2. Attack the Block (Joe Cornish)
3. Source Code (Duncan Jones)
Honorable Mention: Super 8

Best Dramatic Drama and/or Comedic Drama

1. Melancholia (Lars von Trier)
2. Win Win (Thomas McCarthy)
3. Margaret (Kenneth Lonergan)
4. 50/50 (Jonathan Levine)
5. Hugo (Martin Scorsese)
Honorable Mentions: Terri, Rango

Best Romance Movie

1. Love Exposure (Sion Sono)
2. The Skin I Live In (Pedro Almodóvar)

Best TV (from the fairly limited selection of things I watch)

1. Parks and Recreation
2. Eagleheart
3. Louie
4. The Office (final Carell episodes in particular)
5. The Heart, She Holler
6. NTSF:SD:SUV::
7. Childrens Hospital

Best Fest (movies I saw at festivals that don't have a 2012 release date that I'm aware of)

1. Family Instinct (Andris Gauja)
2. Alps (Giorgos Lanthimos)
3. Oslo, August 31 (Joachim Trier)
4. Extraterrestrial (Nacho Vigalondo)

Best Action

1. Fast Five (Justin Lin)
2. Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (Brad Bird)
3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 (David Yates)
4. Hanna (Joe Wright)
Honorable Mentions: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Redline

Best Comedy

1. Bridesmaids (Paul Feig)
2. The Muppets (James Bobin)
3. Repo Chick (Alex Cox)
4. The Sitter (David Gordon Green)
5. 30 Minutes or Less (Ruben Fleischer)
6. Our Idiot Brother (Jesse Peretz)
Honorable Mentions: The Catechism Cataclysm, Young Adult

Best Horror

1. Final Destination 5 (Steven Quale)
2. Megan Is Missing (Michael Goi)
3. Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (Eli Craig)
4. The Woman (Lucky McKee)
5. Embodiment of Evil (José Mojica Marins)
6. Scream 4 (Wes Craven)
Honorable Mentions: Fright Night, Insidious

Best Short

1. The Legend of Beaver Dam (Jerome Sable)
2. Small Fry (Angus MacLane)
Honorable Mention: Hello Caller

Best Documentary

1. Tabloid (Errol Morris)
2. Cave of Forgotten Dreams 3D (Werner Herzog)
3. Project Nim (James Marsh)
4. American: The Bill Hicks Story (Matt Harlock & Paul Thomas)
5. Machete Maidens Unleashed (Mark Hartley)
6. Senna (Asif Kapadia)
Honorable Mentions: POM Wonderful Presents: The Greatest Movie Ever Sold, Into the Abyss, Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop

Sweatiest Performance

1. The Rock in Fast Five
Honorable Mention: Laurence Harvey in The Human Centipede II

Best Actor

1. Andy Serkis/CGI in Rise of the Planet of the Apes
2. William Fichtner in Drive Angry
3. Steve Little in The Catechism Cataclysm
4. Colin Farrell in Fright Night
5. Paul Rudd in Our Idiot Brother
6. Rainn Wilson in Super
7. Tyler Labine in Tucker and Dale vs. Evil
8. Albert Brooks in Drive
Honorable Mentions: Nick Swardson in 30 Minutes or Less, Jonah Hill in The Sitter, Steve Carell in Crazy Stupid Love

Best Actress

1. Ellen Page in Super
2. Kristen Wiig in Bridesmaids
3. Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids
4. Jaclyn Jonet in Repo Chick
5. Saoirse Ronan in Hanna
6. Emma Roberts in Scream 4
7. Anna Paquin in Margaret
Honorable Mentions: Amber Heard in Drive Angry, Elle Fanning in Super 8, Keira Knightley in A Dangerous Method, Kirsten Dunst in Melancholia

Best Fucking Film (Countdown!)
10. Tie: Fast Five! (Justin Lin) / The Muppets! (James Bobin)
9. Cold Fish! (Sion Sono)
8. Tabloid! (Errol Morris)
7. Attack the Block! (Joe Cornish)
6. Melancholia! (Lars von Trier)
5. Bridesmaids! (Paul Feig)
4. Rise of the Planet of the Apes! (Rupert Wyatt)
3.5. The Legend of Beaver Dam! (Jerome Sable)
3. Final Destination 5! (Steven Quale)
2. Love Exposure! (Sion Sono)

and, with a completely anticlimactic image to go with its win,


1. Super!!! (James Gunn!)

Coffin Joe-anuary

José Mojica Marins has made a ton of films, but I only focused on the horror films he's best known for. They're all good, but become a bit redundant as his obsessions (occultism, Hell, snakes & spiders, torture) show up again and again, without much variety to how they're presented. The films are also pompous, simplistic, and immature, which can be charming, but can also grow tiresome after awhile. And it doesn't especially make his work in other genres seem appealing. I guess I'm still curious, though, and wish I had made time to at least see his apparently quite thoughtful religious drama Finis Hominis, or his pornographic comedy 24 Hours of Explicit Sex, which sounds crazy and offensive. But it's too late now. What am I supposed to do, watch them in Joe-ebruary? Anyway, I do really like his movies overall, and his latest film, Embodiment of Evil, was the greatest. If you don't know any of his work, I'd definitely recommend starting with his main trilogy (At Midnight I'll Take Your Soul, This Night I'll Possess Your Corpse, and Embodiment of Evil). I also recommend asking for any of his movies at a video store, because all of his titles are so absurd and amazing, and funny to ask for out loud.

Ranked:
1. Embodiment of Evil (2008)
2. This Night I'll Possess Your Corpse (1967)
3. The Strange World of Coffin Joe (1968)
4. Macabre Nightmare (1968)
5. At Midnight I'll Take Your Soul (1964)
6. Hallucinations of a Deranged Mind (1978)
7. Awakening of the Beast (1970)

Up next: Friedkin February a.k.a. William Febriedkinuary.

Alejandro Januowsky

I had already seen most of Jodorowsky's work, so all I actually watched this month was one feature film (Tusk), one short (La Cravate), and some footage from a performance art piece he did in the 60s (Teatro Sin Fin). I wrote reviews for Fando y Lis and Santa Sangre, which I watched/rewatched (respectively) last year, and punched up my reviews of El Topo and The Holy Mountain from five years ago. I saw The Rainbow Thief a long time ago, and remember hating it, so I didn't bother to revisit it. So, honestly, it wasn't much of a "Januowsky".

I think he's an interesting director, and I can appreciate what he's done with the cinematic formula, but aside from Santa Sangre, I kinda don't like him that much.

Ranked:
1. Santa Sangre (1989)
2. The Holy Mountain (1973)
3. La Cravate (1957)
4. El Topo (1970)
5. Tusk (1980)
6. Fando y Lis (1968)
7. The Rainbow Thief (1990)

Polish posters of Fando y Lis, El Topo, and The Holy Mountain.

Suggested Taglines: Die Sister, Die!

Die Sister, Die! (1972).

Suggested Taglines:

Get Your Hands On My Sister!

Daddy’s Little Girl Is About To Be Slaughtered By Daddy’s Biggest Disappointment

Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Run Through Your Brother’s Handy Hallway of Grabby Glory Holes…

Suggested Taglines: Scrubbers

Scrubbers (1983).

Suggested Taglines:
They Go In Dirty. They Won’t Get Out Until They’re All Washed Up.

Beaten. Brutalized. Ravaged. Swiffered.

It’s a Crime What Mr. Clean Can Do To a Girl

Nobody Wants No Scrubbers

A Scrubber is a Girl Who Can’t Get No Love... From Society

Hangin’ Out the Shower Stall, Shoved Up Against the Wall, Trying to Holler For Help As the Lesbian Warden Rapes Her

A Scrubber is a Girl Who’s Doin’ Time, Always Plannin’ a Jail Bust-er

Oh Sorry, Am I T-Bozering You? Clean the Fucking Toilets Or I’ll Give You the Red Dyke Special. I’ll Make You Tongue-Chase the Waterfall of Menstrual Blood and Chili Creepin’ Down My Leg Until There’s Nothing Left, I Mean It.

These Girls Are CrazySexyClean. They Are Also Criminals.